The Presence

The Presence

09/15/11

As I walk along, looking up, at the dark gray morning sky - no moon today.

Then I look back and there's this little break in the clouds

and the moon slides into view and then just slips away.

I look back, once wasn't enough, I want more,

and the clouds break again and a star twinkles through

as if Jane E. is winking at me.

I look away, a broad smile washes across my face,

it's day 364 since you left us.

What will tomorrow bring?

And as I continue my walk,

I look to the heavens and again

they part and the moon slips into view.

Again and Again.

Those many years ago when I forsook you,

my stillborn child was lost to me that day.

And so I choose to lose your Presence in my grief and anger at our loss.

We both, buried that day, so very, very deep inside us, it never saw the light of day.

And now 364 days after I've experienced the most devastating loss in my life

I realize the Presence has returned to me.

How could it be?

For it was like the moon and the clouds this day.

It Never Left, It Was Always Present, Ever There.

But you've got to be willing to look for it.

You've got to be willing to accept it.  To Embrace It.

My journey through grief has become that

one of forgiveness and acceptance . . . of myself  . . . and of what is.

Something that I cannot change, for it was just meant to be that day,

when she slipped away from me.

And in turn as I slowly opened my heart

to the memories of hers and our great love for each other. 

Once again the Presence shown forth in me so very dimly at first, barely a perception 

but as I continued to look for it, and then ever so slowly surrendered to it,

and then fully embraced it,

It grows to such an intense brightness and all consuming love 

It Has Overwhelmed My Senses.

I chose to listen to Paradigm Shift at the beginning of my walk.

Such wonderful music.

Paradigm Shift it's defined as a Fundamental Change

in an Individuals View of How Things Work In the World.

And so it is, how appropriate a selection for this day, day 364.

My Friends the PRESENCE will be with you today, and every day.

My hope is you find a time of quiet, stillness, and reflection and witness it in your life today.

For the PRESENCE has become the greatest gift I have received in my Journey Through Grief.