Thursday, September 16, 2021

You Get To Choose



You Get to Choose

I am grateful for the awareness
of being able to choose to grow.
Eleven years ago,
I lost my wife very suddenly
leading to being mired in grief for months,
a seemingly unending sadness.
Then one day, I remembered how
Jane E. loved my smile.
She called it my Cheshire cat grin.
This awareness prompted me
to put a smiley face on a post-it note
and place it on the bathroom mirror.
I saw that little post-it smiley face
every morning.
Reminding me,
I could smile again if I chose to.
It became a doorway for me
into a new perspective on life
and how to live it.

I walked through it,
hesitantly at first only to find myself
consumed by grief yet again
and then wake up and see the note.
It was like Jane E. was there telling me:
remember to smile,
remember to love yourself,
remember me with love in your heart
and not sorrow.
It is ok to feel sad,
it is ok to feel depressed,
but do remember
all the good times,
all the laughter and love
and celebrate what we had
for the time we had it.
And so my halting steps
through grief began.
I admitted to myself
I was depressed
and consumed by grief.
I knew now
after sticking that note
on the mirror
I had to find my way through it.
You see, I had a history of buried grief.
We lost a child, stillborn in 1987,
and neither of us dealt with our pain,
it became a taboo topic.

Never to be mentioned again.
My daughter never even heard
mention of it
for almost two decades.
We chose to bury the hurt
so deep inside
it never saw
the healing light of day.
It was this darkness;
this pain we bore every day
with no way out.
Not until I grieved losing my wife
did I finally find a way
to grieve losing my son.
To move beyond feeling,
he was ripped from us.
So I finally got to a point
where I could remember both of them
with love in my heart and not remorse.
So I could even talk about
the good times
and the crazy things that we did.
Or that happened to us
and laugh yet again
at those very same things.
To once again celebrate
the character of Jane E. and who she was.

 So on this day,
the "angel"versary of Jane E.'s transition,
I celebrate the love we had,
and the love we still share
with a Cheshire cat grin on my face.
Knowing she would want nothing less
than love & happiness for those,
she left on this plane.
I am still sad she's gone,
but I am grateful
for every day we had together,
I am thankful I chose
to find a way through grief
and to love the memories,
the good times, and the bad times.
To celebrate what we had
and shared and continue to,
just in a different way.
I am ever so grateful
to have met you Jane E.
I am grateful to choose Love.


        All My Love Always, Keith


Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Choice

 

Choice 01.13.21

 

Grateful and Thankful

I chose to read

this blog post

this morning.

https://youarelovenow.com/2021/01/13/a-choice-of-love-2/

I responded to it

with this:

 

The ability

to make a choice

is such a gift.

Sitting in awareness

and leaving that option

of choice open

is allowing yourself

the Grace To Be.

 

Do I allow myself

to be dragged

into negative thinking

by the ego,

or do I allow myself

to view all things

through the eyes

of the love I am,

that we all are.

 

During

the most trying moments

when my son

was in the ICU

after emergency brain surgery,

I was consumed

by all sorts of

negative thoughts.

I asked myself why?

I meditate all the time;

why isn't it helping

now?

 

At that moment,

I chose to seek

that stillness

I was so familiar with.

What came

immediately was this:

"Breath in Love, Exhale Peace."

It brought me home

to my center,

where Love resides.

It calmed

my monkey mind then.

It sustained me

for all the ensuing

difficult times

of his two year battle

with brain cancer.

 

And now,

as his first Angelversary

approaches,

it comes up

as a choice to make

yet again.

Again I lean on the mantra

that came

from the stillness

that day in the ICU.

I am continuing

to choose

to anchor myself

in it:

Breath in Love, Exhale Peace.

It always leads me

back to the Love

that birthed us all.

 All My Love always, Keith

Saturday, January 9, 2021

Connection 01.09.21

                                                                          

Connection

01.09.21



I read a blog from a friend

called Love's Eternal Light today.

My heart was feeling very heavy.

Next week's impending

first Angelversary of my son

was hitting me very intensely.

So I did as I often do,

I took a hike.

It always seems to bring me back

to my loving center.

 

I was breathing in the winter's air

in the peaceful silence of the woods.

Allowing myself to go where I felt led.

So as I got to a split in the trail,

I followed my intuition

"this way!"

As I strolled along,

I noticed a Robin.

Jason's robins were with me!

That is a sign I have had

since his transition.

And not just one this day,

a flock of them.

I felt connected to him

in those first moments

of seeing them.

 

I saw my whole hike

unfold in my mind.

So I looped down to the main trail.

I crossed the bridge

(that has its own story of connection).

I now call it Jason's rainbow bridge.

Just after that,

another flock of robins.

A smile crosses my face

and lifts my heart higher.

 

As I head back,

I know I'm going to go off

the main path again and

back into the deep woods.

As I climb a ridge,

I notice Robins as I look up.

They always seem to be flying off

away from me farther down the trail.

Time after time,

when I look up,

I see this.

My heart becomes so light

with this loving sense.

This sense

that I'm hiking again with my son

as we so often did on visits.

 

Then I'm beaming

with the realization

that Jason knows

where I am going next!

He's guiding the Robins

to the path in front of me!

The flock is continually

flitting off before me

as I look up.

It fills my awareness,

time after time, when I look up.

Robins are everywhere before me.

 

This awareness gifts me;

it's washed the heaviness

from my heart.

It has left me with a confirmation

once again, that love never dies!

 

Thanks for hiking with me, Jason,

you made this dreary

cold winter's day

filled with the heaviness

of grief so much brighter.

Your love fills my heart

to overflowing.

My tear-filled eyes

again look up now

to see the title to

Sandy's blog message today.

"Love's Eternal Light"

thank you

for continuing

to shine it on me,

Dear Jason.

 

Love you, Dad.

 

My dear friend, Sandy,

posts daily messages.

You can read the one

my post refers to here.

 https://youarelovenow.com/2021/01/09/loves-eternal-light/


All My Love Always, Keith

Thursday, December 3, 2020

Be The Light



Be The Light


Facebook brought me this

from their Share A Memory feature.

It is from December 3rd, 2015.

I thought all I was sharing

was the quote and image.

Since all that was all that displayed

in the Share A Memory box.

I was pleasantly surprised

by what I wrote back then.

It comes as a reminder

that it just may be more relevant

in these times of social distancing

and quarantines than it was then.

Here it is:

 

I sat with and an excellent read the other day.

Then during a discussion,

I was told to do nearly the same thing.

Spirit is always sending us messages.

If we but still ourselves enough

to recognize its presence.


You may be thinking now:

How am I to be the light?

Well, what resonated with me

from that book was this statement.

When you want to connect to Source,

whatever your name for it is.

Imagine a column of light

from your heart to Source.

I envision this beautiful

golden glowing umbilical cord

soaring into the heavens.

There it connects to the Source

of the infinite,

the unconditional love of the universe.

To the infinite, unconditional love

of All That Is.


The other thing?

Envision yourself standing there

with whoever you want to help.

Hold this vision

of both of your souls

standing there in front of you.

Holding hands with one another

face to face.

Envision this golden beam of love energy

moving energetically

back and forth between your souls.

Communicating whatever

it is you want to.

Be it healing, love,

or just to support them on a soul level.


I did that sitting

in church last Sunday.

I knew of two people

who required healing energy.

I sat there and held the connection

to infinite unconditional love.

I saw this golden heart sized

umbilical cord of divine connection

going from my heart to the heavens.

I also saw two streams

of that golden energy

connecting to my friends.

Joining them at their heart level.

Beaming in compassion,

love, and healing power.

It was like a visual

silent prayer for them.

Try being the light.

I know you'll love this new way

to pray for others.

 

All My Love Always, Keith